I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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