It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
