The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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