sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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