Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
We don't watch enough power rangers
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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