I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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