We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
