Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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