So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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