She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
