Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
