I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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