Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
