Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
