No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
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