the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
My life is pants optional.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
