YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
