Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
