I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
After last night, I could never be a politician.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
