Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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