Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
third nipple confirmed
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
