But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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