I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
