there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
