Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
