i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
