Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
