his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
you traded sex for a burrito?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
