the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
