the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
