So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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