I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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