I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
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