I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
