It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
