He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
