i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Randomize
