i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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