i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
It's rum buckets o'clock
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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