where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
