I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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