I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Randomize
