now i know why i became what i already was.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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