an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Even the bartender felt bad for me
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
