Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
