I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
