I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
