i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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