I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
