i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
