Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
