Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
