we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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