He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
You can't motorboat a personality
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
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