Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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